I can see you

6 September 2007

I can see him sitting there, wasting his youth with his friends playing his role so well he should win a oscar. Pretending so hard to be okay, to be happy, to be satisfied. Like the way he thinks and the way he sees the world is the only correct way. The rest of us that aspire to conform are nothing but mindless slaves, that fear abandonment more than their own uselessness. But even he fears it. And he is so terribly aware of it and yet he pretends.
In truth the only thing that sets him apart from the rest is the way he reacts to his sense of worthlessness and fear of being alone, how he reacts to knowing that he will never be happy, have what he wants, needs, or what he hopes he deserves.
He chooses to surround himself with those who cannot harm him, because he knows they do not love him. Anything serious, a true and honest relationship could mean harm. And it is his acute fear of this that rocks him to the core of his being. But he will never admit. No one ever does. He is more like us than he believes.
More like me, so much like me

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