Idiots on the computer

11 September 2007

time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a

Wall Street

article by Jim Carlton. Lots of
people are dumber than you.

Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key"
because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key

2. AST technical support
had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover
on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged

3. Another Compaq
technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read
word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets
and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled
the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on

4. Another AST customer
was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter
arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the

5. A Dell technician
advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the
door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the
phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his

6. Another Dell customer
called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of
trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of
paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send"

7. Another Dell customer
needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell technician suggested he go to
the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied.
When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant
for me to find a couple of

8. Yet another Dell
customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned
it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day,
then removing all the keys and washing them

9. A Dell
technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer
had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's
"bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken

10. An exasperated
caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn
on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her
what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and
pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to
be the computer's mouse.

Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer
wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for
20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she
pressed the power switch, she asked "What power

12. True story from a
Novell NetWire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech

Tech: "Yes, it is.
How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within
my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but
did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my
computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am.
Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you
get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my
computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on

At this point the Tech
Representative had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller
had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped
it off the drive!

well-known is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the
instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't
possibly get more than two in.

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