The pain

24 December 2007

I am in pain, literally and figuratively.

I have been waiting, thinking, stressing, trying and now here I am and I am hurting both mentally and physically.
My stomach hurts it might be stress. I need sleep.
I can't believe what I just went through.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger, the why do I feel so fucking weak?

I need to focus on something better, something more. Something I have not lost.
I love my job
I love the people at my job
I love that I am good at my job
I love that I got the chance to experience so many different types of people
I love that I got some actual work experience
I love that my work is appreciated
I love being alive

But I'm still in pain. I got home today, got into bed, I didn't bother undressing.
I was just so tired. I woke up hours later to find the gift I had received earlier. It made me smile. It seems I had received it in some parallel universe. A universe where it was all good. Where we were happy, trying hard and succeeding.
I mis that world.

I opened the gift, it was an hourglass. Very pretty in my favorite color. I guess such a gift is very fitting. How little and how much time has passed. How much has changed in so little time.
My mind is too tired right now to type, to form sentences. Good night!

1 spoke to me:

CreoleInDC said...

Smooches Shanti. I hope you are feeling the warm wishes and beautiful thoughts I'm sending your way. Please feel better and remember how to smile.


Monica Mingo

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