Thoughts to Ponder

19 December 2007

  • Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?
  • Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
  • If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
  • Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
  • If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?
  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
  • How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?"
  • Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
  • If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
  • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy
    adultery?
  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
  • When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
  • If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar not called a racist?
  • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  • Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
  • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
  • Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
  • Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
  • Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
  • Why are drive-through ATM machines in braille?
  • Why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?
  • What do people in China call their good plates?
  • Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  • Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
  • Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have "S" in it?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
  • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
  • Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
    at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out
    the window?
  • Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
  • If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
  • If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  • If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of
    coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
  • Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
    horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
  • Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
  • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
    And if there is one goose and 2 geese, why isn't there one moose, 2
    meese?
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
  • Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with
    their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put
    it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
  • Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end you try first?
  • Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's
    falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
  • Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
  • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
  • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
  • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
  • Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
  • Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
  • Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
  • If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

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