My thoughts on death and suicide

28 August 2008

Death has to be easy because life is hard.

As long as I can remember I always saw death as that bliss that comes after the chaos. Just slipping into nothingness, and everything is quiet. So why did I never commit suicide?
There was still so much I wanted to experience. I wanted to see the millennium.I wanted to get my diplomas, I wanted to make my family proud. I wanted to go places and see things.
I wanted to live before I die.

And now... lets leave that, that is not the point of this entry.
I wanted to blog about euthanasia and suicide.
It is controversial topic I know, but opinions are like ass holes. Every one has one(or should have one).

I have always been all for both of them. Why?
Because people should be able to decide when and how they should die. It's my life, let me end it my way. Don't remove my right to make that decision myself.
Why am I thinking about this now?
It's my birthday soon, I am getting old(er) and so the topic of death has been on my mind.
I thought about what my life would be like in my old age. Would I be happy, would I be healthy (I doubt it).
I can see myself all wrinkled and old, getting sick and getting better all the while my body keeps getting weaker.
All my friends and the people I grew up with are either dead or senile.
I'm losing my memories, my ability to move freely or do what I want when I want. I have nothing to look forward to but disease and death.
Why would I want to drag on?
Why would I choose to sit and wait to die?
Why would I choose to linger when there is nothing anchoring me to this existence?

I would want the option to end my life. To choose how I died and when. I don't want to go on slowly wasting away with nothing to look forward to. I'd rather just end my misery instead of prolong it.

I know it is the easy way out, but why would I fight for a life like that?

I'm not considering suicide now, if that is what you are worried about. There is still so much I want to experience, like actually leave the country(yep I've never been outside my country's borders).
I want to own my own car and home. I want feel like I've actually accomplished something and not just spend all my years just waiting to die. I want to know what it is like to have someone I can trust and rely on and just because they chose to be that person for me. Not because they have to.
I want to meet my best friend and soul mate. I want to good at something.
I want so much right now, I may not get the chance to do them all but that's not the point. As long as I keep trying and crossing things of that list, I'm good.

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