The days of my discontent

23 May 2008

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take this.
It's hard yes. And it effects me greatly. I feel stuck and I know the situation will not improve any time soon.
I'm stressed, i can feel in my body. My back pain, shoulders and arms. It doesn't go away.
And it has gotten progressively worse.

My mom just got demoted.
Which a new position, in a new location, with a much lower salary. And it is a significant decrease.
What makes it worse is that she needs the money now more than ever.
Just 2 months ago she got a loan to get the house fixed. Some much needed home improvement and adding a second bathroom for ease.
She was feeling so confident and things were going good. And now this.
Paying for said loan will cost her 66% of her salary per month for 20 years.

Needles to say I feel a bit of pressure, a bit unsafe and very much worried.
I want to help but already 60% of my salary goes to pay for school. And I know I will not be receiving any significant salary increases any time soon.
And the icing on the cake is of course the knowledge that my job is not safe.
My company is not doing so well at the moment and I already came so close to losing my job because of downsizing.

I feel uninspired because I know no amount of input will get me the salary I require.
I feel depressed and hurt and yet I feel I wil survive this. But isn't necessarily a good thing. The future seems so grim at the moment that I believe not to survive this ordeal would be the better outcome.

My very first laptop

22 May 2008

I finally caved in and bought a laptop. It's my very first laptop and I will be broke till next year now :(

But it was a much needed investment.

I am now trying to get used to the Widows vista and writing down all the things I will need to get.

I already bought a laptop case so on the list are:

-a mouse

-a network cable (5 meters long)

-an adapter

-anti virus software

-I am also bringing the laptop to the shop so they can split my hard drive into 2.


Since this is my very first laptop and I am such a clumsy chick I am
so scared of breaking it. I just know I will end up dropping it more
than once. So I hope this thing can sustain a beating.


Just in case you were wondering I bought a Toshiba A205 -????

It was a cheapie compared to the newer versions but it costs more than I make in a month so.

I do hope I can save up enough cash to buy a more advanced one next year, but until then I am happy.

It does all I need it to do. Which is allow me to write reports in Word
and make financial spread sheets for school in Excel. Not much more I
need at the moment.

I still do most of my work on my PC at home, but I am getting used to the laptop.


I can not yet give an accurate review of the thing as I am scared to touch it and do stuff with it.

But we will get to know each other better sooner rather than later as it will be tagging along with me to school.

numb myself

11 May 2008

i wish i could fade away into nothing. Disapear like i was never here.
Walk onto an open road and be taken by a speeding truck. I want to walk into the ocean and have the waves wash me away.
I imagine standing on the bottom looking up. I can see the blue and the sun. I stay where I am and all is still and I am numb. It's bliss.

No more screaming, no more pain, no more pressures and no more regret. No more trying, no more failing. I feel nothing, I just fade away.

Fading out of existence as quietly as I have lived.
I want it to end like that instead of this systematic destruction that I have to endure.
Some days are bright and I feel alive and then they come and take away the light.

I wish I could just numb myself
i pray that one i will find the strength to end my pain

Me vs Lolcats

07 May 2008

Ianto Jones picspam!

Ianto has to be the epitome of all that is adorable. He's the most popular torchwood member and the cutest thing ever. He has the most amazing deadpan sense of humor and off course he looks good in a suit.
Ianto Jones is played by Welsh actor/singer Gareth David-Lloyd. It has to be noted that Gareth is Ianto polar opposite, try googling him and you'll see.
On to the pretty :







Increase Your Technorati Authority

05 May 2008

~~Begin Copy~~

This is the easy way and the fastest way to :

1. Make your Authority Technoraty explode.

2. Increase your Google Page Rank.

3. Get more traffic to your blog.

4. Makes more new friends.

Rules :

1. Start copy from “Begin Copy” until “End Copy” to your blog.

2. Put your own blog name and link.

3. Tag your friends as much as you can.

1. Picturing of Life

2. Juliana’s Site

3. Hazel-My Life, My Hope, My Future.


4. Jeanne-The Callalily Space

5. Starz in De Sky

6. My Charmed Life

7. Denz Techtronics

8. Denz Recreational

9. Life’s Simple Pleasures


10. My Blog

11. Because Life is Fun

12. In This Game of Life

13. Scribbles of my Life

14. Changing Lanes

15. This is what my heart says…


16. A mom’s note

17. Tasteful Voyage

18. Twerlyn’s Blog

19. Revealing Oneself…Expressing the Real Me

20. La Place de Cherie

21. Chez Francine


22. Le bric à brac de Cherie

23. The Pipeline Fixation

24. MarcRoger

25. Seeking Serenity
26. ADD YOUR BLOG HERE!!!


~~End Copy~~

Famous words from famous people

02 May 2008

1. “How did you survive this long, being so retarded?” - Angelus

2. "I have observed that the world has suffered far less from ignorance than from pretensions to knowledge. It is not skeptics or explorers but fanatics and ideologues who menace decency and progress. No agnostic ever burned anyone at the stake or tortur." - Daniel J. Boorstin

3. "The world holds two classes of men -- intelligent men without religion, and religious men without intelligence." - Abu'l-Ala-Al-Ma'arri

4. "Calling Atheism a religion is like calling bald a hair color" - Don Hirschberg

5. "Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public." H. L. Mencken

6. "Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy” H. L. Mencken

7. “The number one cause of atheism is Christians. Those who proclaim God with their mouths and deny Him with their lifestyles is what an unbelieving world finds simply unbelievable.” –Karl Rahner

8. “Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember the only taste of success some people have is when they take a bite out of you.” - Zig Ziglar

9. "The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line. The objection to it is not that it is predominantly painful, but that it is lacking in sense." H. L. Mencken

10. "So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find some one to worship." Fyodor Dostoevsky

Entrecard debate: I am Pro choice, I choose life

22 April 2008


Others joining in:
Lee Doyle
Cynthia Blue

The only thing that bugs me here is the tactics that some the Pro life extremist use. In my honest opinion these people should be labeled as terrorists.
Killing people, blowing up clinics, standing in front of said clinics and throwing sharp objects at people who dare to enter these clinics.
I wanted to make that clear at first. Some one who is Pro life should not and can never Murder anyone who dares to against his/her beliefs. It's an oxymoron.

Having said that I will have to say I am Pro life and also Pro choice. Why?
Because I choose not to murder to child I carry.
I choose to bring this child into the world.
I choose to care for it and love in any an all ways within my capacity.
To me an abortion is the same is murder. I would not be able to live with myself if I knew I had taken a life. The blood would have forever been on my hands. But this is my choice. A choice I made for myself. A choice I can not make for any one else but me.

It is not my place or anyone elses to decide for me whether or not I am allowed to abort an unwanted pregnancy. I know myself and I know what I am capable of. The choice is mine and mine alone. Everyone else can either, accept, respect or just fuck the hell off!
Because what I decide to do with my own body is my own business. I do not deserve to be castigated for that.

It appalls me that there are people alive and living in a country that prides itself on its civil liberties, and these people want to dictate the lives of others.
A person should not be anti Pro choice.

Why all the controversy over a personal decision?
Because we don't know where a life begins. We don't know when it's officially murder. Does an unborn child less than 2 months old have a conscious?
Does it have rights? Can it be considered a separate entity than it's carrier? Does the carrier not have the right to decide whether or not it wants to carry?
Hard questions to which we do not know the answers to.

What's your stance and why?

A fan's Outline for Torchwood season 3

15 April 2008


Complete revamp, no more monster of the week nonsense but one main plot with character driven episodes thrown in.

Location: No longer the Hub, Move the Torchwood Team (TT) to a bigger/better location.
Jack has screwed up on mass scale with Abbados and Capt John blowing the hell outta Cardiff as such I think the Torchwood Uber-head is completely warranted to step in and demand that Jack and what's left of his team start working more closely with Torchwood Central.

Torchwood Central will be moved to Cardiff. Why? The rift is in Cardiff so it will have the most Alien activity. And I am hoping they know about the whole "everything changes in the 21st century" things and such move to place where all the action is likely to go down.

So a bigger and better Torchwood headquarters will need to be build. Jack and his team still called Torchwood 3 will have their own office space (think NCIS) they work on separate cases and projects and occasionally get cases from the top.

The top off course thinks Jack is incompetent as a leader and as such they give T3 a new leader(Ianto?). They also assign some new members to the team.
Jack gets the position of expert in Alien/foreign/future tech and weapons
Ianto is a researcher, he logs the new tech found and is the communicator. All info between T3 and the top go through him.
Gwen let's make her liaison to the outside(police and other civilians). She takes care of certain human aspects.
They will need a new computer genius
And someone else who is a bit more battle trained.

A new medic is not important as HQ will have its own medical facility and a bigger morgue.

The conflict will off course be centered around Jack and his Alpha male attitude. He will hate the changes but will comply because the threat still stands about making him their enemy.
So there is a power struggle and a lot of resentment between him and the big boss and the new team leader.
Also conflict between Ianto and Jack, as Ianto fits in a little too well in HQ(it's a bit like Torchwood-London so off course)
Conflict between Ianto and Gwen because Ianto is better trained(and better looking) and as such gets more privileges than her. He basically becomes her superior on the job. She has trouble dealing with this but Ianto enjoys putting her in her place.
The new team member will consist of people that are also survivors from Canary Wharf and old friends/colleagues of Ianto's. They bond and Jack gets jealous.

I want character episodes that show how each of them deal with their new roles and how the deaths of Owen and Tosh have effected them.
Especially Ianto. Ianto is bit more fragile than the rest especially when it's about Torchwood related deaths.
I would love to see him deal with his own fears of dying young in torchwood and how he dealt with the traumatic images from the battle at Torchwood London.
I think his self destructiveness will get triggered. He will hate himself for always surviving and having to watch others die. He can bond with Jack over this. This self destructive streak can help bring out Evil-Ianto(alien storyline can easily be written into this).
Even if it doesn't the writers owe us a Evil-Ianto ep. He can be taken over by a parasite alien that takes control over your body. Or someone can get trapped in a alternate reality.

For Jack I would like to have at least one episode where his past catches up to him again(I never tire of this). A bad con. Or info locked in his mind, he has something the baddies need so they come after him and Ianto when they realize there is a relationship there.

For Gwen: I hate the Gwen character so no SL for her I guess. All I can think of is: Lets show more of how she tried to balance her life in Torchwood with her life with Rhys. Rhys wants children, but does she? Rhys wants her home more, but she loves her job too much. Rhys wants her safe and thus wants her to stop being a field agent, but can/will she give up Torchwood for the man she thinks she loves?

The New characters will I get a few of their own episodes as well. I want to explore their relationship with their job and how they integrate into this new team. How they deal with their hostile new team members.
In the end they will become a close knit team but watching them get there will be very entertaining.

Stories I need to see:
- Parasites that take over their human host, they are ruled by a sort of Queen bee. Kill the Queen and you get your humans back
-Alternate realities/time lines. Let the team deal with the what ifs. Each decision has a consequence lets explore that a bit(but only on the surface)
-Ianto takes the death of Owen and Tosh very hard and as such becomes a bit reckless, self destructive and maybe a bit suicidal.
-Jack gets trapped in a dream world, he ends up living his worst nightmare
-The team encounters a mafia-style group of aliens. They steal weapons and it is up to T3(and some assistance) to retrieve it and destroy the alien clan.
-Part of the team gets transported to another planet/time, and they fight to get back to their original time/place while the others also search for them.
-They come across a very dangerous alien. He has the ability to move and destroy things with a single thought. This Alien wreaks havoc on Cardiff and it's up to T3 to stop it by any means necessary.
-And of course with all the shit that comes through the rift, I'm surprised there has never been an outbreak of an alien disease.

Living in Gaytown

10 April 2008

Some gifts from the Wallpaper faerie

08 April 2008

Here are my favorite wallpapers. Right the angel is on my desktop that one is a staple :). Enjoy

Disclaimer: None of these belong to me, I found them while scouring the web many moons ago.






How to show your recent dropped ecards in a widget on blogspot

04 April 2008

There are numorous way to getting this widget but I took the easiest and (for me anyway) the most conveniet route. Here is a step by step for those who are curious.
Note: this is only for blogger accounts.

1. Go to your dashboard at blogger.com
2. Go to your Layout page
3. In your blog layout choose "Add a page Element"
4. Out of the list pick "Feed" (see image)
5. Next you will see this window , this is where you enter the feed url of your entrecard inbox.
6. If you don't know where this is located -> go to your dashboard on Entrecard.com.
On top under the Help option there is a small feed logo right next your list of recent card-drops.. This logo is linked to your feed url. Copy the URL. This is the URL you need to past into this window
7. Click continue, the next step is customizing how you want the list to appear on you blog. Pick a title and choose how many items you want to appear on your widget. Click Save changes when you are done.
8. The last step is off course positioning the widget. I placed mine on top to give my droppers some extra exposure. Where you decide to display yours is up to you.

Note: There is one thing I hate about this method, I can only show 5 items max in the widget. I wanted to show more, but I guess my site lookes less crowded this way.

I hope this helps,

Thank god it's friday

Ever wish you could do this to a coworker ?



Poor puppy

Contemporary artists that deserve some mention

03 April 2008

Every now and then I find a song that touches my soul in unexpected ways. Not long ago it was "de Waarheid" by Marco Borsato. A song about leaving the person who loves you but you don't love them. You can hear the hurt in the singer about letting his lover down, knowing that she has done nothing wrong but love him and he has slowly fallen out of love with her. How do you tell someone this, how can you explain that to someone who have given you their all that you can't bring yourself to give them the love they deserve.


Right now I feel there few artists that put real emotion into their music, most of the artists that do are also not exactly popular. They are the artists you stumble upon by accident or through referral.


I'm talking about artists like Sia who sang the beautiful song Breath Me. I first heard this song while watching one of my favorite soaps. Her song was playing in the background. So I did some searching and found the song in a promo and the ending scene for Six feet under. That scene had me in tears and the song was branded into my brain.


I think the reason I love this song so much is because it addresses feelings I have had too many times. Wanting to be held, feeling lonely, making the same mistakes again and again and feeling like I am falling so deep into nothing but darkness.


The lyrics remind of a Maria Mena song; Maria Mena’s songs have that same depressing tone. Loneliness and insecurity are recurring themes in her songs. Maria Mena possesses the same talent to put raw emotion into her songs.


The lyrics of these artists seem so simplistic but I think that is a intentional part of it. Making a beautiful song out of those few and simple words, using your voice as your only instrument. Not relying on the music or pretty sentences, using just your voice. Hitting specific words a certain way. Making it personal and pure.


Maria Mena's songs usually reflect being Marco Borsato's (the aforementioned singer) victim. She's the one who gave her all and got rejection from a man who could not love her. Her songs reflect the pain after the break up, all the feelings of not only loneliness but also the insecurity and wanting a second chance (Sorry, Just hold me).


Most of the songs that I have listed center around a dilemma or some sad occurrence as it seems very rare to find a song that is truthful and lays the true emotions of the artist bare in the way that it is sung. And the way the words are chosen.


One artist that can sing a love song that will have you in tears in Bjork. Her lyrics are sometimes so simple that all you have is the raw emotion that she puts into her music. She likes to experiment with sound keeping it so simple sometimes that the song is not about the words, not about the music that leads it but about the way she sings it, her intonation, it's no longer about the song but about how she sings it. Even if the lyrics are in a different language or seem like they don't add up you know what she is singing about. Because you can feel her emotions flow through.


Don’t know what I am talking about, listen to these songs:
Pagan Poetry - Bjork
All is full of love - Bjork
Breathe me – Sia
Possibly Maybe – Bjork
Hidden Place – Bjork
Foolish Games – Jewel
I miss your love – Maria Mena
Sorry – Maria Mena
Just hold me- Maria Mena
Our Battles – Maria Mena
De Waarheid - Marco Borsato (dutch)
Black hole sun – Chris Cornell
Billie Jean – Chris Cornell

Autorun problems with USB drives

02 April 2008

I have recently been having some problems with my usb drives(yep all 3 of them).
I immediately decided that the root of the problem had to be virus related.
What problem?
My autoplay feature was not functioning and when I tried to open my usb drives through "my computer" I got this popup


The only way I could access my usb drives was through the address bar. After a while it became not only tedious but also apparent that I needed to find a solution to this problem before it got worse.
I didn't really have files on my usb's that I could never recover again since I store of my files online anyways, but still.

I plugged my usb's in my work computer and did a virus scan. The anti virus progy at work is far more superior to the one I have at home. Usually it sees viruses that my at home computer doesn't see.
I know this because I scan my usb's whenever I plug them in at home and usually they are virus free, but when I plug them in at work I always find Trojans and worms.
Using the anti virus progy at work I deleted all the viruses I found on all 3 usb's.
Experience had taught me that this was not enough, so I was not surprised that this did not alleviate my start up problems.

So I did some research on Google and found the root of the problem: Autorun.*

I decided to do the following:
-Stop wscript.exe process in the Task manager
-Open command prompt : Start>Run>Type in "CMD">OK
-Type the following command one by one followed by hitting Enter key:
del c:\autorun.* /f /s /q /a
c is the name of the Windows drive. I do this for C,D, F,E and all other drives on my PC. (It can take some time to finish on the C-drive)

Basically what this command does is delete the autorun files in the aforementioned Drive.
This remedied my startup problem immediately :)